Uh, my dog ate my watch…

I am seldom late for appointments. It was drilled into my head at a young age, and in the navy as well, that being late is disrespectful of the person you are meeting with and suggests that you can’t be relied upon in other ways either. Later in life I learned to enjoy the benefits of showng up early for things. I usually enjoy a little time to read, take in my surroundings, or look up a client’s web site or Linkedin profile while I wait. I get the importance of being on time to such an extent that it is ingrained in my character. If I am detained, I am careful to let people know I am on my way as a matter of courtesy. Being late just isn’t my style.

That’s why several weeks ago I found myself really struggling with a few occurrences in my life. I had actually been late for several appointments within a week, if I am completely honest with myself. (Ick) One in particular hit home. I finally got an opportunity that I had wanted for many years. This was really a very big deal to me. Yet when it was time to execute, I found myself running late to the first two appointments. The first time, I would have had just enough time to arrive at the exact time I was scheduled for, but I realized one mile into the drive that my gas tank was empty- something I am usually very careful about. The second time I, once again, left just in time for an on-time arrival, but found myself stuck in traffic for an extra ten minutes. My client was justifiably annoyed, but was kind and forgiving. Yet I know I lost a great deal of esteem in her eyes by making her wait, not once but twice. There is a lesson here.

On the surface the lesson is to allow extra time for traffic and take a different route when I go downtown. That, however, only gets at the superficial problem. The deeper concern is this. “Why did I engage in self-defeating behaviors?” Being late is one of several ways we as human beings often hinder our own success. It seems like a small thing in the moment- a minute here, ten minutes there- “He’ll understand”-but it becomes a matter of integrity if it is habitual, and I had just done it twice. It was time to do a little soul searching.

As I work to build my business, the calendar fills quickly and I have to set aside time for important things like writing and friends. I get that. I understand that the things and people we routinely make time for are those we consider most important and that when we consistently elect not to spend time with a friend or do a particular project, we are making a very clear statement of how important that person or thing really is to us. It is seldom a hostile choice. More often it is a matter of bandwidth. We have so much time and energy and must say “no” a lot in order to do what matters most. Likewise, when a friend I hold dear repeatedly blows me off, I understand that it is time to let go, at least for the foreseeable future. The question becomes less one of squeezing too many activities into a cluttered schedule and more one of elevating the importance of any given activity, to include being on time.

Can it be that punctuality was briefly off my radar? Amid so many deeper, seemingly more significant life changes, did I lose sight of this one manifestation of my deeper character? Was I subconsciously choosing the path of not being trustworthy? Since then I have made allowing adequate travel time a high priority in an effort to reverse this potentially ugly trend and safeguard my integrity.

This just goes to show that personal transformation is an iterative thing. It is a practice- a series of practices really- that we must attend to every day, lest we slide back into old modes of being and behaviors that sabotage the life we want. Today I am a humble warrior, one who is reminded of the value of other people’s time and of the need to tend to the outward manifestations of my own integrity.

#integrity #punctuality #prioritization