OMG! R U reading this? LOL… How to stay human in a high tech, high text world
Engagement with others is a choice. So is disconnectedness.
I have a friend who sometimes shares videos that rail against the disconnectedness of modern society, the all too common tendency to plug in to technology and tune out from others. I agree with the sentiment, but I think it is more complicated than that. Technology doesn’t have to divide us. Used properly, it can do just the opposite.
What are some positive ways to use technology to foster deep human connection? I can think of several.
Social media is one way to let your friends and business associates know what you are up to without talking about yourself too much when you do find the time for the holy grail of relationships, face-to-face contact. Friends and business associates who find what you’re up to interesting will follow you; the ones who would politely smile while catching up anyway, wishing you wouldn’t drag on... Well, those people won’t follow you and that’s absolutely ok. It doesn’t mean they don’t value you. If you matter to them‑ professionally and/or personally, they will let you know in other ways, through their actions and by reaching out to you.
Many of us cast a wider net when it comes to Facebook friends than we might be able to in personal day-to-day contact, but does that really make those connections superficial? I don’t think so. For example, when it comes to several of my friends, I am able to offer a supportive comment when someone’s child is ill or when they are having a rough day. It costs me nothing and is a positive thing. It’s not superficial or phony. I care about these people and truly want them to be happy. I am simply responding to a situation I wouldn’t know about otherwise. What’s the harm in reaching out, in good times and bad, just to offer a virtual smile? If I comment on someone’s situation, whether publicly or via a private message, you can rest assured that I mean it. There are even special people from my past who have rekindled our friendships this way. It can also help to preserve a sense of community with groups of friends and colleagues, to know what’s going on at one’s alma mater, etc.
In my world, these are ways to reinforce and preserve connections, not undermine them.
LinkedIn is sincere too, I think‑ every bit as sincere as shaking hands with my colleagues and friends at conferences, passing along a resume, or sending something via email. Sharing helpful or interesting information isn’t phony or superficial, particularly if it helps a friend find a job or gets new ideas into circulation. It also affords us a way to publicly support one another’s business endeavors, helping us become interdependent with our colleagues in healthy ways. We help out with with each other’s job searches or professional growth, and often invite debate into a wide arena of global scholarship. Best of all, it can be a professional address book that updates itself, helping us stay in contact with a wide range of colleagues who may change jobs or move to another city. Again, it’s no substitute for spending time working on a project with someone, but it can reinforce business connections.
Does my friend have a point about sending terse texts instead of talking to someone? Sure. That’s every bit as rude and dismissive as one word answers in person and it can be a real cop out when you just don’t want to talk to someone. So how do we use texting in a way that is generative? We use it to make plans, to check in with someone we care about when there isn’t time to talk but we want to be supportive, or just to say we are on our way if the plane is late. The trick is to understand that texting someone who cares about you or who needs to have a serious business conversation is no substitute for having dinner with her or picking up the phone. Again, used properly, texting can reinforce genuine connections.
Twitter? Instagram? YouTube? Yik Yak? Pinterest? These are good ways to briefly share something with a group of people you may not necessarily know, help organize a gathering, promote an event, sell a product, express yourself artistically, share a joke or a recipe, etc. Of course email is indispensible in business today too. So much work is accomplished this way that many of us have to check it several times a day, whether we like it or not. There are so many ways to communicate digitally that it can be overwhelming to keep up, especially if you are like the rest of us and use several.
The trick is to use social media constructively, not to let it replace deeper, richer forms of human contact or cause us to ignore the people sitting right in front of us. I used to often be guilty of the latter, as my oldest son will attest. As a teen, he let me know that he did not appreciate me checking my emails when he wanted to communicate. Sadly, it took several missed opportunities for real conversations before I finally learned to close the laptop or put the phone in my purse when he wanted to talk. As long as humanity remains, well… human, a handshake will always garner more trust than an emoticon. Eye contact and body language will always help us understand where a person is coming from better than a carefully crafted email. Sharing quality time is indispensible in forging our most important interpersonal relationships. That means being truly present, tuned in to other humans, not a screen. (While Skype is cool, you just can’t hug someone that way!) That isn’t to contradict everything I just said, simply to establish that media is meant to support our relationships, not replace them.
What does this have to do with yoga? Yoga is a great way to cultivate presence. We disconnect from technology as we hit the mat, tuning in to ourselves physically and mentally through an ancient practice. It improves our relationships with fellow practitioners as we support one another’s progress, laughing together and enjoying that sense of family that those with a good home studio know so well. Even practicing at home alone improves our interconnectedness off the mat as we learn to calm ourselves down and avoid excessive stress and worry. I chose upward facing dog to illustrate this post because it involves really opening up the heart, which always reminds me of my connection to the rest of humanity.
Do we check our phones after class? Sure!
Do we post goofy pictures of crazy postures on Instagram? Of course!
Done right, these kinds of posts can collectively reinforce and grow our yoga community and other groups of people with shared interests and values. When I see my friends enjoying a nice meal, practicing a difficult posture, or hiking a trail it makes me smile. I share their joy and feel even more connected when I see them again and we talk about it.
So to those who blame technology for society’s ills I say, “Plug in!” Don’t just plug into the latest dancing cat video though. Use your phone or computer to add another layer to your relationships. Look up that old friend from high school. Instant message the acquaintance whose child is ill. Share a smile. Share an idea. Share it broadly. Let technology allow you to shine your light on a bigger slice of humanity.
So who’s with me? Instead of letting technology be a wall between you and others, can you use it to build a bridge?
Copyright Gly Solutions, 2014
