Ever have one of those days? What those “orange moments” tell us about our true mettle.
Wayne Dyer says that people are like oranges. He says that when you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out, “because that’s what’s inside.” Likewise, when people are under pressure, we often see the vestiges of their true character. I have come to think of these as “orange moments,” when circumstances squeeze us and we show people what’s inside.
These are opportunities to observe a person’s true character, and also the times when we inadvertently put our own character on display for others. For example, a friend of mine was in a fairly serious car accident recently. Fortunately no one was harmed although his car was totaled. The amazing thing is that nobody got overly upset. The car, the money, the stress and hassle of it all… these were secondary.
All that really mattered was that he and the other driver were okay and the goodness of my friend’s heart shined through in that difficult situation. After trying to get his car out of the intersection, his first thought was to see if the other driver needed first aid. He was kind, caring and considerate, even while shaking in his shoes.
It is always telling when someone is in a difficult situation. Those who make an effort to be good and kind even when things get hard are the true gems of this world. Those are the people we want to surround ourselves with, the company we want to keep. This topic reminds me of my dad, whose integrity and kindness were such a force of nature that his tombstone now tells passersby that he was a man of character who was deeply loved. Even in his final hours, he remained kind and optimistic. When my dad was squeezed by cancer, we saw that what was inside was pure gold.
Thankfully we are not typically “squeezed” like that every day, although many of us have had days, months, and even years of squeezing that left us feeling like marmalade. Yep- been there… That leads me to wonder. Barring a crisis, how can we know what a person is really all about?
Can we see if there is orange juice without squashing the orange???
It would be great if we could find a way to tell who the “good guys” are up front. If only they wore white hats like they did in old movies!
Aristotle’s ideas about habits may offer a clue. What we do on a daily basis is a reflection of what we think is important— not necessarily our espoused values, but the deep down voice of our character, the one that drives the small decisions. This is the voice that tells us whether to take on a new project at the expense of another. It is the voice that tells us to schedule time with loved ones… or put that off indefinitely. It tells us to circle the block instead of illegally parking in the handicapped space, etc. etc. etc.
The nature of that voice is reflected in the patterns of behavior that we demonstrate in small ways and big ways, day in and day out, year after year. To know an organization or social network, we can observe these kinds of scalable, self-similar patterns (fractals) and explore the principles or simple rules that drive them.
The same holds true for individuals. If you are considering whether to trust someone in a business venture or a personal relationship, it pays to notice their behavior patterns, paying special attention to the ones that could be considered fractals.
Why are those patterns so important? Nature tells us that those patterns are very likely to continue occurring, although the timing and scope can be tough to pinpoint. Just as we can look at a plant and guess that the next leaf it grows will probably resemble those it has grown in the past, we can look at a person or organization and get a sense for the kinds of behaviors we can likely expect, barring a significant and transformational change.
A word of caution —This is a call for observation, not judgment. We never can know another person’s whole story, nor can we predict with any certainty when someone will do something unexpected and wonderful. Top performers sometimes fail or burn out. Likewise, a person who has made mistakes can learn and embrace constructive change at any given time. We all have choices and opportunities for growth every single day.
Where this gets tough is when we apply the concept to self-reflection and personal growth. Recognizing our own patterns can be scary, upsetting, and… well— necessary if we hope to improve our effectiveness. It can be difficult, even painful (ouch), to examine our own behaviors and choices in both the mundane and in the extraordinary circumstances of our “orange moments,” but self-knowledge is absolutely necessary for those who are on an entrepreneurial path of any sort.
I recently learned a meditation technique that yields some interesting insights along these lines. The technique, as I understand it, involves concentration on the apparently simple yet surprisingly difficult question, “Who am I?” The idea is to get in touch with your own true nature. (I am admittedly a novice in such practices, but I do find that meditation of any kind improves my concentration and overall energy level. It also yields some very helpful insights.)
This kind of reflection takes courage, since we don’t always like what we see.
Nobody likes to think about the people we may have unwittingly hurt through carelessness or self-absorption. We don't like to open up the hoods of our business endeavors and consider the failures, big and small.
If personal and professional growth is on the agenda, however, it is absolutely necessary to rip off the Band-Aid. Swallow your pride and make an effort to see yourself as objectively as possible. It can be helpful to invite feedback from those who love you enough to tell the truth with kindness and helpfulness in mind. Take it all in and then look for the patterns in your own life, paying attention to the good patterns too.
What are the underlying beliefs that drive those actions, both the productive ones and those you would rather not think about?
Can you shift your patterns in productive ways?
P.S. I am no saint! I have no soapbox to stand on and am a work in progress like anybody else. I think the important part is to keep trying to improve yourself every single day. —Care to join me on this journey???
Copyright Gly Solutions, LLC 2015
