Why influence trumps control...
What's your leadership style? Do you attempt to control things or influence others to act independently?
I am reminded of a time, many years ago, when my sons were small and we used to go camping frequently. A creek ran next to the campsite and it was always a challenge to keep the kids relatively clean while we got everything packed up to go home. Ideally, we would have liked to avoid having a car full of mud for the drive, but keeping little boys and a creek separate is quite an undertaking! You see, little boys tend to want and NEED to play as much as possible, to experience life and drink it in with wild abandon. Our directions to stay out of the creek proved extremely difficult for them to follow.
In retrospect, I wish I had said, “Please, get good and dirty! Drink in these moments of mud and bugs and flowers and mountain streams because in the bat of an eye you will be grown up and busy with other things.”
Clean, frustrated little kids who are concerned about getting into trouble is hardly the ideal state and when their true natures overruled our strict instructions everyone was frustrated— kids and parents alike. We were trying to impose artificial order on a phenomenon that needed to unfold in its own, healthy way— complete with muddy feet and wet clothes!
Have you ever done this at work? Have you ever had an otherwise reliable employee sidetracked from what you told him to do, maybe even in a constructive way… and felt compelled to squash whatever derailed him in order to be sure your instructions were followed to a T?
What did that cost you in terms of the relationship and in terms of getting the job done? Was the pay-off enough to be worth the lost loyalty?
When I was in the aerospace industry, one day I was discussing a technical matter with an engineer in one of those grey, soul-less cubicle farms (Yep--- just like Dilbert’s). We had a white board and colored pens in full effect and he was explaining a particular nuance of a system I had used for years— something I had been trying to wrap my head around for a long time. The discussion was challenging. It was work-related. It was needed. It was even… drum roll… kind of FUN! The “eureka moment” came and I got it! Hooray!
I now understood something I had really struggled with and this knowledge would make me better at my job for sure.
At that moment, someone in a position of authority felt that we were being too loud and stormed in to tell us that we should quiet down and get back to work! My friend turned ghostly white in the face of the reprimand. I never really had another deep technical discussion with him again. From then on, the best I could manage was a sheepish smile and a “Hello” as he scurried past me in the hallway.
I share these stories to demonstrate circumstances where control was exerted (or attempted) when the measured use of influence would have been far more productive.
Just as I might have done a better job of honoring my muddy kids’ need for just a few more minutes of gooey discovery and growth, the man who stifled our conversation could just as easily have joined in or listened long enough to discern that we were indeed on task, then kindly reminded us of the volume. Had he done that, there may have been many more productive exchanges, benefitting the whole team as more and more of us learned.
Why do we do that as leaders??? Why do we get so intent on controlling a situation that we stifle creativity and growth that could benefit our families, our organizations and… Dare I say it??? US TOO!
While many people attribute these kinds of actions to a fear-driven need to demonstrate authority, some people do it unconsciously, without even thinking about it. We have our own view of what “good” looks like and we reject anything that doesn’t fit immediately and easily within that sphere.
That’s where practices like yoga and can really help out.
Coming up into a headstand like this takes a lot of self-control. You really have to pay attention to form, first checking your arm position and walking your feet in to get your hips over your shoulders. Then you have to breathe in and tighten the core as your legs come up slowly. It’s a lot different than kicking up. You absolutely have to control your muscle movements and above all, your breath. (I’m working on it… It’s a journey!)
Here control is a good thing!
“What??? Control?
…I thought you were against control!”
I am glad you asked! This posture is about SELF-control, not controlling others or circumstances beyond what Covey (1989) calls the circle of influence. In his model, we consider our world of work and life in terms of two concentric circles. The inner circle is the circle of influence— where we can take action and expect something to come of it. The outer circle is the circle of concern. It includes the things we care about but may or may not be able to influence, ourselves. The training suggests focusing more attention on the circle of influence as a way to cut back on unproductive worry and improve your efficacy. When you focus on the things you can influence, they grow in number. Your energy is put to good, productive use. Best of all, the areas where you are concerned but powerless shrink as you become more and more influential!
In yoga we learn to focus on self-control (well within the circle of influence) and practice nonattachment in our circle of concern. We practice breath control. We learn to manage the movements of our own bodies. We even learn to draw our attention to a single point of focus and work on calming our minds by first observing, and then lessening, the incessant chattering of our inner dialogue.
These are difficult tasks. They require so much effort that over time it becomes less and less appealing to devote any of our precious mental energy to other people’s faults.
These practices pull us into that circle of influence in a big way. You might counter this discussion with, “Yeah, but I am in charge of other people! I have to care about what they do!”
As managers and leaders, we do have to concern ourselves with the actions of others. Checking out from the world to go meditate in a cave for a year is probably not going to work for everyone. For many of us, finding time to practice yoga or go for a run can be hard. Just finding ten minutes a day to meditate or pray can be a stretch. What then? ...We sometimes have to work with where we are, carving out what time we can, and then bringing the positive outcomes and small victories into the workplace, little by little.
The real question then becomes one of control vs. influence. When it comes to ourselves, control is not such a bad thing. We learn to think before we speak, to calm ourselves, and to act with intention. This kind of strength improves our ability to influence others both through our example and through the respectful way we view them as human beings.
When I was in the navy I learned a lot about this. There were certainly officers and senior enlisted personnel who were obeyed only because of their rank and position. Their leadership styles were very controlling and the reason for every task handed down to subordinates was “because I said so!”
This is hardly the recipe for inspiring your people to do the right things when you aren’t looking!
Others drew their authority from respect, expertise, and their good character. These were the most effective leaders of all. Have you met one of these people? These leaders are masters of influence and they are obeyed not out of necessity or formal authority, but because they inspire others to trust them.
They do this not by stifling creativity and growth, but simply by communicating a vision and caring enough about the people who make it happen to let go of controlling the minutiae. They still hold others accountable, but they hold themselves to a higher standard and try to be open to hearing other people's opinions. The outcome is that the organization becomes more principle-centered and adaptable.
I spent a few years in the US navy’s P-3 Orion training squadron and I recall how one of my commanding officers, Captain Paul Griffin, used to make time to walk around the aircraft hangar and talk to people. It was part of his routine. He was a very busy man— in charge of a 1000+ man squadron, and yet he managed to talk to everyone, garnering respect and admiration from every rank. When there was something time critical or important, particularly in matters of safety, he could be sure that his orders would be obeyed without question. In small matters as well… You just wanted to do the best job you could because he made sure you understood why your role mattered. Nobody wanted to let him down.
He had that kind of influence.
So how about you?
Can you focus more on self-control and less on controlling others?
Can you wield your power in ways that get results through influence? What might happen in your organization if you operated the way that Captain Griffin did?
Copyright 2015 Gly Solutions, LLC
Covey, Steven R. 1989. Seven habits of highly effective people: Simon & Schuster.
