How do you handle unexpected wins?
I recently worked very hard to prepare for a rather important speaking audition, thinking I would just throw my hat in the ring this time and see what happens. Since I had never applied to do a TEDX talk before and the competition was very tough, I was simply delighted to make it to the final stage of the auditions. I had decided ahead of time that if I wasn’t selected, I would audition for the next one and simply be grateful for this learning experience.
That’s not how it turned out.
It was one of those times when I didn’t think I was ready just yet and the universe begged to differ!
This happens a lot in my life, to the point where I am finally recognizing the pattern.
There was that unexpected first place trophy in a band competition in high school, my appointment to the US Naval Academy at age seventeen… then much later my doctoral mentor insisting that I go ahead and defend my dissertation instead of working on it for another six months, my angst about turning in book manuscripts (which I would like to still be revising to this day if it weren’t for those pesky deadlines!)…
You get the picture!
Sometimes I really struggle to get past my own perfectionism and know when it is time to step into the light.
Do YOU ever do that?
The night before the final TEDX audition I confided in a friend and fellow yoga teacher. I told him that I didn’t feel ready. I had just completely restructured my talk based on some rather discouraging but timely feedback. (Thank you, Suzanne Tulien!)
I was truly expecting my audition to be a train wreck in light of all the changes I had made over the last 24 hours.
My yoga teacher friend pointed out that this is my normal mode of operation before I do well at something.
He should know! Ed Rosinski has watched me do this many, many times over the years, simply through our chats before and after practice. Ed pointed out that this is MY FRACTAL, something that plays out over and over for me in big and small ways.
He then went on to lead an amazing yoga class that put me in the right frame of mind to do well. Other friends and loved ones were a part of the equation to be sure, but I maintain that— as usual— hitting the mat was an indisputable key to my success the following day.
When my technology was less than cooperative, and my slide clicker and I declared an unspoken war against one another, the steadying effects of my yoga practice lingered.
I kept my cool.
I had fun with my talk and shared what I love with enthusiasm.
Much to my surprise, I made the final cut.
I discussed a very simple aspect of fractal change management, which has been nothing short of an obsession since I started my doctoral program in January 2010. Behind this 18 minute talk there are five years of research, a 270+ page dissertation, two books, several chapters in other people’s books, and a whole slough of conference presentations, workshops and papers, not to mention blog posts and many, many long conversations over the years, as I tried to explain it to everyone I could corner long enough to listen. Hour after hour spent reading other people’s work, discussing it with my colleagues and mentors, and building my own variations on the theme time and time again... Edits and revisions... Rejections and resubmissions… It’s been a labor of love to say the least!
Why I didn’t think I was ready to give a TED talk after five years of living and breathing this simple idea is beyond me!
At the end of the day, I am happy that I chose to audition— no longer playing small.
I am grateful.
I am humbled.
A part of me says, “Really? Are you sure you meant ME?”
Yet I know better than to listen to that voice because it is the same voice that had me looking over my shoulder to see who they meant every time someone called me “Doctor” in the early days after I earned it.
…EARNED it! Yes. I did.
I don't have time to deal with self-doubt now. There is far too much work to do! I make no apologies, nor do I kid myself that this is all about me. I am merely the lucky (and hard-working) conduit of an idea whose time has come. Mine is not the only voice to sing this song, but now it is my turn to do the solo.
I am warmed up and ready to take the stage.
… and I’m celebrating this time too, choosing to dance like nobody’s watching and share my happiness with those who are most precious to me. One can only share the joy of success with a kind and open heart and hope others will join the party. Diminishing it just won’t do!
So what do you say?
Wanna dance?
Kick off your shoes! It’s freer that way…
Copyright Gly Solutions, LLC 2015
